Sometimes what you don't know, won't hurt you.

The truth behind the top ten lies that men tell:

‘Nothing's wrong, I'm fine’

Obviously he isn’t fine and he’s shitting himself about telling you he’s lost this month’s mortgage payment on the 2.15 at Chepstow.

‘This will be my last pint’

No it won’t. He’s just ordered another three before he texted you. And one of them was for a bird.

‘No, your bum doesn't look big in that’

He’s looking at someone else’s arse.

‘I had no signal’

Not technically a lie. Bad reception in the bookies, apparently.

‘My battery died’

That’ll be the incessant text messages to his Facebook ‘friends’ – All female, obviously.

‘Sorry, I missed your call’

He was too busy poking his eyes out with a rusty fork. Oh, and getting a blow job while he was at it.

‘I didn't have that much to drink’

Before condoms came into the equation.

‘I'm on my way’

To A & E, or a Sauna usually.

‘It wasn't that expensive’

He got a payday loan in your name to fund it.

‘I'm stuck in traffic’ 

In the back of a Police car.

The truth behind the top ten lies that women tell:

‘Nothing's wrong, I'm fine’

I’m on my period and come within ten feet of me and I’ll stab you to death.

‘Oh, this isn't new; I've had it for ages’

Well, had an eye on it for ages anyway.

‘It wasn't that expensive’

I forged a payday loan in your name to get it.

‘It was in the sale’

Yes, last year. In a different colour. And in a completely different design.

‘I'm on my way’

In the opposite direction.

‘I don't know where it is, I haven't touched it’

It’s broken and it’s buried in the garden.

‘I didn't have that much to drink’

After 3am.

‘I've got a headache’

I have plans and they don’t involve you.

  

‘No, I didn't throw it away’

I gave it to charity.

‘Sorry, I missed your call’

I was far too busy having much better sex with a much better looking guy who is earning much better money than you are.