It is imminently looming that my kiddies will no longer be so ‘little’ anymore (they start Secondary School this autumn) and whilst kicking and screaming while I do so, I will have to reluctantly adapt to these dramatic changes.
So, as I see it, this year will be our ‘last’ pre-teen
Spring/Summer together as a ‘young’ family so I am determined to make it as
memorable as possible for us all.
The poignancy is that I am soon to become my children’s
mortal enemy No#1 when they hit full blown adolescence so it’s absolutely imperative
that my children have a multitude of happy memories of me when they eventually
do look back and appreciate their childhood.
And today absolutely nailed it.
It ticked every single box despite nearly being wrote off as
a non starter at 7 o’clock this morning.
Shit weather and shit reviews.
Both, luckily, completely misplaced.
We
had such an amazing day at Drayton Manor.
Today
I really, really recognised just how my influence as a parent and teacher to my
children has truly empowered them. Today my kids reflected those teachings right
back at me by showing just how carefree and courageous they really are.
And
today, they both put me to shame Goddammit.
I
have ALWAYS been an adrenaline junkie and I love, love, love Theme Parks, white
knuckle rides especially. But as I’ve
got older, eye-watering heights and hanging upside down with just the support
of one measly T-Bar on four bolts for prolonged periods of time (especially
with my kids sat at the side of me) freak me the fuck out.
However,
give me a high speed roller coaster and I’m a sucker. The G-Force roller-coaster was going to be a fucking
walk in the park then surely.
Er,
no. Fucking forget that.
As
the carriage made the initial climb, all was fine and dandy until we started to
crawl at snails pace upside down and around the inside of the loop, practically
hanging out of our seats as we did so.
My
son started screaming, ‘I’m falling out Mummy, help me, I’m falling out’ and I
started to panic.
I
grabbed hold onto his arm and shouted across at him (my eyes clasped firmly closed)
‘You’re alright darlin, you’re alright ’.
Needless
to say, he’d recovered by the second loop because it’d picked up speed by then so
he was shouting ‘Awesome!!!’ as we whished and curled through a succession of
loops, twists and turns but I on the other hand, didn’t recover to enjoy the
rest of the ride.
I was a fucking
nervous wreck.
I
managed to compose myself by going on the swing boats and carousel afterwards but was itching to
know what the mahoosive roller-coaster was at the far end of the park and
whether the kids (and me!) would have the bollocks to ride it, especially after
the last one.
Turns
out it was a stand up coaster and I’d never done one of them before so I
was well up for it and so was my daughter.
My
son, bless him, sensibly declined – opting to watch my handbag instead.
I
fucking shit my knickers. I didn’t open
my eyes all the way through. All I heard
throughout the ride was my daughter screaming ‘Wicked!!!!’ All I saw was the back of my eyelids.
Next
stop? Apocalypse. Jesus Christ.
Dragged
up into the air on a hydraulic column so you can practically see Calais and
then dropped into free-fall. The only voice you could hear coming back down sixty
thousand miles into cold concrete was mine.
The two white knuckles we did opt out of were
Maelstrom and Pandemonium.
We’ve
done ‘Freak Out’ (which is pretty similar to Maelstrom) at the local fair and
my son hated it.
I
spent the whole ride praying to God and frantically trying to reassure my son
that the ride would soon be over. It
wasn’t. It went on forfuckingEVER the
twats.
Pandemonium
was a hang upside down; write your will quick smartish type of ride so again,
we sensibly declined.
We
did every other ride though, except Thomasland. The kids drew a firm line at
that.
Although
my son did want to pay a visit, just to knock over the Fat Controller for being
horrible to Harold the Helicopter once, apparently.
