Dearest, dearest Sambo,
My heart bleeds thinking of the anguish, pain and unbearable suffering that you must have been feeling before you made the devastating decision to do what you did.
My heart breaks at the fact that while you were taking your last breath, I was only five minutes away from you. I could have saved you Sam. I would have helped you, I would have protected you and talked to you. I would have LISTENED to you. I would have held you while you found your feet again. I would have shared your burden and proved to you that you were strong and there was hope.
I would have showed you that people really love you Sam. I know in your darkest depths of despair you probably assumed that they didn’t but they really, really did and now you’ve left an infinite abyss that you will never witness to appreciate exactly just how MUCH people did love you.
I had to go into the park to find you today, Sam. I needed to feel your sorrow and to cry for you. I needed to see the place that you'd chosen to say goodbye to us all. I needed to punish myself for not being there for you when you really, really needed someone.
I can’t even begin to describe the profound sadness I felt upon seeing that fucking shrined lamppost.
You were worth so very much more than that.
So, as your pain ends, ours now begins as we grieve and mourn the beautiful person you were in our struggle to accept that you’re gone forever.
Unfathomable and unbearable as that is.
