5 Signs you’re ‘officially’ turning into a sad old woman

The trip to the supermarket becomes your only weekly highlight and the reason that you look so forward to it is because you can be an absolute cantankerous twat and completely get away with it.

Your body makes that many groans and creaks, you’re starting to sound like an old haunted house.

Flirting with men young enough to be your son, results in a visit by the police.

The life insurance adverts on afternoon telly start to sound more interesting, especially the free parker pen bit.

You actively, positively, don’t give a flying shit about Gangnam Style and you think that the design on Cheryl Coles bum tattoo would look much better as a cushion cover.