5 signs you’re definitely in a male working environment

The state of the toilets would make Kim & Aggies hair stand on end.

Filing trays are solely for the clerical storage of take-away menu’s and fast food serviettes.

The coffee table decor consists of an array of tits & arse magazines peppered with coffee cup stains and the odd bogie.

The toilet seat is ALWAYS up. And it's always piss wet through.

There’s never any toilet roll in the building, let alone in the cubicle. 

5 signs you definitely need a break from Mummyville

You prefer to talk to the kitchen cupboards rather than real people.

I’d rather be lobotomised than see another fish finger, chicken nugget or bottle of tomato ketchup again.

You know the plotline of every single soap opera and consider the people inside the TV to be your close personal friends.   

Plucked eyebrows, shaved legs and tended bikini-lines are somewhat distant memories.

The only hard thing you’ve sat on recently is a toilet.

5 Signs you’re ‘officially’ turning into a sad old woman

The trip to the supermarket becomes your only weekly highlight and the reason that you look so forward to it is because you can be an absolute cantankerous twat and completely get away with it.

Your body makes that many groans and creaks, you’re starting to sound like an old haunted house.

Flirting with men young enough to be your son, results in a visit by the police.

The life insurance adverts on afternoon telly start to sound more interesting, especially the free parker pen bit.

You actively, positively, don’t give a flying shit about Gangnam Style and you think that the design on Cheryl Coles bum tattoo would look much better as a cushion cover.

5 Signs you might have a slight drink problem

You’ve developed a thing for sleeping in next doors privet.   

Your early morning shopping list consists of painkillers, band-aids, disinfectant and more alcohol. 

Random people say hello to you in the street and you’re not sure if it’s because you had sex with them or because they feel sorry for you.

You’re on your third replacement phone. Today. 

Waking up beside a wheelie bin, in a dog kennel or on a fishing boat floating somewhere off the coast in Whitby is becoming a regular habit.

5 Signs you might be having a bit of a meltdown

You think it’s perfectly rational to cut your own hair. With a Swiss army knife.

You forget to wear a bra, comb your hair, brush your teeth or remember for the life of you, how you happened to be stood in the middle of the local supermarket completely naked. 

The only regular use you have for your 3 piece pan set is to hit yourself repeatedly over the head with it. 

Looking at the sink drainer/the hoover/the ironing pile/your own reflection results in a three hour bawling session. 

People are talking about you. And not in a good way.