Have a heart
attack realising how much 10 year-olds expect for Christmas.
Arrange for a
bank loan to purchase meaningless Xbox game complete with capitalistic plastic
figure that does fuck all but costs a small fortune.
Verge upon
Bankruptcy as you consider the real cost of ‘a few Christmas drinks at a quiet
bar in town’.
Empty the DVD
rack as you try to recycle funds to pay for the ‘must have’ CD’s of the moment.
Attend first AA meeting
as Xmas pressures start to manifest themselves in empty vodka bottles.
Make up some
hair-brained excuse to not pay Council Tax, Rent, Water Rates because Bratzilla
outfits are only £2 a pop in Home Bargains so of course, must buy twelve.
Empty every
single half opened packet of foodstuffs in the cupboard in an effort to create
a meal, because this week’s shopping budget went on an Ipad. (Fuck you Apple and your socially ingrained
peer pressure).
Run down the road
screaming because the HP men are here to recover the Christmas presents that
haven’t even made it to 25th December yet.
Regret spending £10
on an amazing radio controlled car that just had to have, despite having no
credit on the electric meter and sitting in the dark eating tea, playing I-spy.
Yearn for the
days when the only financial outlay I had at Christmas was a fiver I chucked in
works Bran Tub.
X-pect everything
to sort itself out in time for Christmas Day. Er, dream on.
Make space in the
garden for when I get that sick of
seeing the fucking Christmas tree, I decide to launch it straight through front
window, decorations and all.
Accept that
despite what the adverts say, Christmas isn’t all about abandoned puppies, party
food, cash donations and really crappy CD compilations.
Sing the praises of the truly appreciated friends who’ve contributed to make this Christmas far more enjoyable than
the last - thanks to their altruism, love, kindness, understanding and much
valued presence in my life.
Have a fantastic pissedmas everyone!
I wish each and everyone of you a prosperous 2014.
x x x
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