Internet + real life = absolute bollocks.

So I’m sure you all want to hear how the Disney fairytale ended? 

Well, it ended with the princess walking into a boozer to discover prince was not idol incarnate but more like sheer stalemate. 

I carried the whole conversation of the evening just to keep things bobbing afloat.  I gave the right oooh's and the right ahhh's in all the right places, laughed a bit, enquired a bit but the fact of the matter was - he simply just wasn’t attractive to me. 

I had built him up to be such an Adonis.  My very own globe-trekking action man who disappointingly ended up rocking such an ultimate fashion faux paux outfit that I wanted to take myself outside and kick my own fucking head in. 

WTF?  I had been stressing myself out for nowt. 

I know photography puts on a few pounds but did his head really look that small in his pictures?  

I beg to differ. 

Anyway, moral of story is:  If a man appears to be too good to be true on the internet, it's because in real life, he most probably is.

Good things really do come to those who wait . . .

They do say that all good things come to those who wait and I can definitely confirm that in my particular circumstances, this is most definitely the case. 

Three men defined my romantic life but they are not the same three men that I had the misfortune of having long term relationships with.

The first guy that I became besotted with was a year older than me at school. He had the cutest arse in his Farah trousers and his blonde streaked, shoulder length hair screamed out ‘sex object’ to me.  He teased me, ridiculed me but never relented to giving in to me and granting me my dearest wish.   

But fast forward ten years on and he couldn’t take his eyes off me when we hit town one Christmas Eve and we fell into the same bar.  Fast forward another five years on and I bumped into him at Sheffield’s Tramlines Festival.  Same thing. Eyes on me, mouth shut up.

So, who do you think I bump into in our local park when the kids want an impromptu go on the swings, coming home from ASDA?  Yep.  Him. And guess what?  Same thing.  Eyes on me, gob clamped closed. 

Men eh.  They need a right royal boot up the arse.

OK so second fella, complete superstar. Well, he was to me when I was growing up. Football apprentice for a local team with eyes to die for and a physique of the same stature. Had him toothpasted to my wall in the late eighties and it was the only time that I actually showed any real interest in football. 

Fast forward twenty years on and here we are, sending each other sexy texts, pictures and stories - and we have done for the past seven years. All thanks to Facebook. 

And guess what?  I’m finally meeting him for a date in a couple of day’s time. Eek. 

Fella number three? Well, let’s say that he was truly coveted by a LOT of females back in the day. 

And before a cruel twist of fate deprived him of a glowing career, I was privileged to have gone out on a very lovely date with him.  He really was a true gentleman. 

So, yep. You know what’s coming. . .  I recently bumped into him too. Had a fantastic couple of hours with him and I truly give blessings for such a lovely encounter. 

So the morals of this story are. . . .

1)      Blokes really are like buses.   None come for ages and then three come at once. 

2)      Good things REALLY DO come to those who wait.

Bella, Bella, Andorra la Vella

I have just returned from a breathtaking place that quite surprisingly not a lot of people are that particularly familiar with. 

It literally is a utopia on top of the world and it did more for me in three weeks than ‘home’ has done for me in a very long time. 

Now don’t get me wrong, I did miss ‘home’ but upon returning here, it wasn’t long before I was yearning with deep emotion for the happy adventure that had just been.  

I cannot begin to describe the feeling that my sabbatical has unleashed but I truly recognise its positivity and I am overwhelmed at the true joy that it promises to bring. 

I now know for sure that I do not want to live a life that is dark, oppressive and troubled.  

I want to live a life that is sunny, happy and free from burden and more importantly, I want my children to see the real beauty of Planet Earth amidst the vast landscapes and visual miracles that it so magnificently offers. 

Settle back into living a life of social slavery, debt and mundane routine?  Not on your Nelly, love.

I’m too busy planning our next adventure to terrains that we have only yet to discover.